that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
