There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize