Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
