Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize