you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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