I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
