Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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