what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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