The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
