you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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