I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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