Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
