I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
