I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize