onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
