she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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