the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
