capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
