You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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