Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
