Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
