So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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