everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
