party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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