What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
