Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
