I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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