i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
