There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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