let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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