he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
