maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize