what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Houston, we have a squirter
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
