I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
