but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
