everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
