Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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