somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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