I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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