I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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