apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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