Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
