Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
