Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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