Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You are a genius and a whore.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize