So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
