dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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