It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I touched a dick in church today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
