Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
