the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
