best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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