Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
