If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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