The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize