Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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