beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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