Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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