did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
