Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
