i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
