So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
