12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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