If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
